An Equal World - Reality or Just a Dream?

On February 05^th, 2019, Anand Mahindra had tweeted something different - different from what he normally tweets about. I am sharing the tweet here -

He makes a very pertinent point about how working-women have to do a lot more than their male counterparts to have a career and also succeed in that. He also added an image, which describes this much better than any words could ever do.

I came across this image a long time before Anand Mahindra tweeted it. But it caught traction only after his tweet. In fact, it has been circulated so much since then, that I got it in multiple Whatsapp groups in the last 24 hours. And believe me, when I say that I am not part of many such groups. Also, in this particular instance, it did not stop with just a forward. In fact, there were discussions around this tweet and people were appreciating women for managing all of this so well.

I have been reading about working women facing this struggle on a day-to-day basis, not just in India but throughout the world, trying to strike a balance and also move ahead in their careers. This got me thinking. Why do working women face these challenges? Why are they running a race with so many hurdles while men run the same race with no hurdles at all? Is this how the world is supposed to function? Or is this another one of those things that we talk about wanting to change, but don’t do anything to actually change? What is ailing the women of today’s world that is creating so many hurdles that they can’t think of having a successful career for themselves?

What is ailing the women in today’s world is what many people call the ‘super-woman’ syndrome. The women are expected to be superstars in everything they do. By themselves. They should not settle for anything less. They cannot settle for anything less. They will not settle for anything less. But is this how it should be? Should they be the superstar everywhere? Can’t they just be the normal person that a man is? These are things that need to be discussed, addressed.

To begin with, I believe men love to tag women ‘super-women’ so that they do more while the men can laze around. This needs to change and it has to begin at home. It has to start with the very men who attach that tag.

The only way to achieve that is by giving women a hand - in taking care of the kids, in the various random day-to-day chores. If men did their part, things would be a lot easier for women. They wouldn’t have to hurdle over so many things as the image shows. If the women can be ‘super-women’, why can’t the men be 'super-men' too? Why can’t they also take care of a few things at home while continuing to rock at work?

Sometimes I feel that women have brought this upon themselves. By accepting this as normal. By taking on all these additional tasks on themselves. By doing all this without complaining. Also, by not supporting one another. 

This should happen. This should happen yesterday. But it isn’t happening. Not because it is impossible, but because this requires a behavioral change - a behavioral change from both genders. Any change is hard but a behavioral change is the hardest. It might be hard to change this generation of men unless they realise it. Most men choose not to realise. Unfortunately, so do most women. It is hard to change such people.

I don’t expect big changes to happen with our generation, but what we can do is to teach the next generation. Tell our kids the value of being normal. Teach them the value of doing things together, in partnership. Most importantly, teach them that chores have no genders. Let them SEE the importance of everyone in the family contributing to the chores at home. Get our sons to do more chores at home. Get our daughters to do fewer chores (because we inherently get them to do more).

Baby steps have definitely been taken in this direction. I know of people from both genders who already do this – kudos to them! They have set the benchmark. Hopefully, others will follow.

This will just be the beginning. Change will not happen overnight. But I am hopeful that if we start doing our bit, our future generations will find this world a more equal place. Here’s three cheers to those who want to start working towards it now!

Not All Men! But Yes All Women!!!

Ok, this is the first thing I am writing about in 2017. This is definitely not the first thing I wanted to write about this year but here I am writing about this! But the internet has been talking of nothing else for the past 48 hours or more. The trigger, of course, was the 2 incidents in Bangalore. One where there was mass molestation in CBD and the other where a woman was molested close to her house and was captured in CCTV.

There has been a lot of talk post these incidents. Women calling out challenges that they face and how they have been molested/groped/raped by men. Men defending themselves by saying that only a few are black sheep while the vast majority are not molesting/raping/groping women. They, in fact, went ahead and created a hashtag #NotAllMen to just prove their point. Thankfully, many men were sane enough to call out the immaturity of the hashtag. They failed to understand that  what the women were talking about was not about men. But what they have been going through every single day.

To counter the #NotAllMen, women started their own hashtag #YesAllWomen to talk about how all women have been molested/groped/raped at least once in their life. It killed me to read their experiences. So. Many. Of. Them. After having read those experiences all that I wanted to do was to sit in a corner and cry. Nothing else.

There were notes from 2016, 2006, 1996 and backwards as well. This is not a new phenomenon. This is how it has been all the time. This is how it will be for the foreseeable future as well. Instead of being defensive and saying I don’t do this. Why not stand up with the women and acknowledge the challenges that they go through, day in and day out? Why not stand by and support them unconditionally? Why not take the lead and bring the guilty ones to justice?

Why not take the lead and bring about a change? Why not take the fight to the street? Why not educate the kids so that the future is secure for the women? But no, we can’t do any of this! Because we are busy defending ourselves! Defending ourselves that we are not like a few! Well, guess what? It is not just a few people! It is a whole lot of us!

Most times, it is men that are familiar to the women like the fathers, uncles, in-laws, cousins! All the so called decent people! People who are educated! People who are family! Worst are the family members who don’t want to rake up the issue! How can they just ignore such acts when the victim comes and shares it with them! Where the fuck is the support?! How can we expect things to change if we don’t stand by the victim and confront the predator? Is the family tradition/respect/or whatever fuck it is called more important than the victim’s pain? Is that more important than the victim’s peace of mind? Is that more important than saving the several other victims?

If this is our culture, then we are better off without this fucking culture! If these are our traditions, we are better off without our fucking traditions! If this is how we should live, we are better off not living at all!